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Happy Tuesday everyone. Keep calm folks. So let’s talk about the arrest of mashed potatoes **** aka Sam Bankman-Fried.
It’s starting now. It couldn’t be hidden forever. I mean, especially when Mark Cuban looks like a mix of a Cross Your Heart bra and a wisp of pubic hair. It’s going bad. He was caught in the Bahamas on Monday and accused of defrauding billions of investors. Charges include electronic fraud, securities fraud, money laundering. Fortune named him the next Warren Buffett. But in their defense, it’s a common name. This joke deserved a better laugh. Thank you. This is a really good joke. Forget everyone.
Let’s recap what this clown does. Cryptocurrency firm FTX has raised $1.8 billion since launching in May 2019 by promoting itself as a secure platform for asset trading. But it turned out to be as safe as finding a suitable dating partner on a subway platform. By the way, cryptocurrency means “not real money” in Latin. He then transferred these funds to another company without telling anyone, and from there made a series of investments, generous real estate purchases, large political donations, which of course were not disclosed to the Democrats in time for the midterms. Worse still, she never even thought about breast reduction surgery. He could use the oil to make soap. And then he could use the soap.
But instead, he will be the most popular man in a cell block. When I’m dressed like a plate of potato skins, he’ll be hanging around like me. I can do it too. You know, I wish I had known him in high school. I would go to the second stage.
All the while, though, he was telling investors, including celebrities who were hypnotized with cleavage, that it really was the safest investment. But then it exploded. FTX has filed for bankruptcy, leaving millions of people without access to their funds. And the pyramid scheme was showcased like Sam’s D-cups in a wet T-shirt contest. By the way, real pyramids are like “Hey people, leave us out of this and go to the slaves”. Don’t destroy the pyramids. If I could, I would do the same for my grave. They say you can’t take it with you, but who would know that?
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But I feel bad for Bankman because we have a lot in common. First, we both pretend to donate money, and we’re both polygamous. I still sleep with people. But all this is a lesson in why it’s good to trust your instincts when someone seems more ridiculous after Cinco de Mayo than Ana Navarro’s bidet. That was hard to say. Thank you. You applaud the meanest things.
And when virtue signals, you know someone is full of it. She says she’s vegan. Sure. He got fat by eating vegetables. This is not possible. But this is the armor they wear to protect themselves from revealing their true purpose. See: Black Lives Matter. The truth is, anyone who saw this video a while ago knew something was up.
NAS DAILY: Sam is not a traditional billionaire because he believes in the concept of “win to give”.
SAM BANKMAN-FRIED: Earning to give is thinking about what causes, which charities save the most lives per dollar.
NAS DAILY: Next year, he plans to donate $500 million annually. And in the next ten years, it will likely donate more than $10 billion. And it finances anything you can think of. Global warming.
SAM BANKMAN-FRIED: It is one of the biggest problems we have to solve together as a world.
NAS DAILY: COVID-19 preparation.
SAM BANKMAN-FRIED: We must be ready for the next epidemic.
NAS DAILY: And of course animal welfare.
SAM BANKMAN-FRIED: Animals deserve to live just like us. Also, that’s why I’m vegan.
Like the live-action Ernie from “Sesame Street.” Even a fifth grader might watch this and think, “There’s no way I’m going to give this saggy-breasted cafeteria lady an ounce of money.” But just last week, this idiot was still posing.
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SAM BANKMAN-FRIED: Look, I’m screwed. For example, I was the CEO. I had a responsibility here. I had a responsibility to be on top of what was going on in the stock market. I wish I could have done so much better at this. As I understand it, there were legally prepared documents covering what happened. And frankly, I have a tendency to get involved in a lot of things. Being, you know, spreading thin sometimes.
Is it thinly spread? Whenever I see him, I think of the slow motion opening of “Baywatch”. Actually, I still do. But what about the dubious timing of his arrest? He was due to testify before Congress this week. There it was fried like a half-pound meatloaf at George Foreman’s house. But now it’s exempt. Now his Democratic beneficiaries have got away with it, as have the whalers who pushed back Joy Behar. Why? Why? Number! Don’t spawn on my writers.
So once again, the public isn’t buying anything. Millions donated to Democrat campaigns because he has a history of donating? Well, does a bear poop in the forest? Or a person who describes himself as a bear? We cannot say for sure. But hell, I will. After all, I’m a commentator, not an announcer. I could attribute all this to cattle mutilation if I wanted to. Tucker isn’t the only one who cares about cow murders.
But maybe he’s forgiven for being a Democrat of their kind. That’s why when I ask her to shave my back, they look away quicker than Hannity. Unlike Elon Musk, whom Democrats call evil, although he tries to help the shareholders rather than slander them. But that’s how Dems treats someone struggling with child pornography. I guess they prefer their billionaires to be fake leftists than real people doing real things. I wish someone would question what this scam was when he started this mess three years ago. But they were too busy trying to destroy another billionaire who was doing real things for the American people.